Infertility is not contagious...I promise

I have always loved kids. I loved babysitting when I was a kid. I knew my career would one day center around kids and I could not wait to be a mommy. Then I met Mike and I have to say I could really go on here about how I blessed I am to have him. I didn't have the best of childhoods and he is truly a gift from God. My light sent to me at a dark time. I could go on about how good a provider he is, how hard he works, how hot he is :), and how I knew he was going to be a great father. And then infertility hit. It came out of now where in the form of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and it has completely changed my life. We had to start trying for a family right away even though we had only been married a year and in the almost ten years since we have done truly every fertility treatment option there is. I remember when my friends started trying to have kids and it would take them a few months to get pregnant and you could just tell that they were thinking that maybe they were going to end up like me. Were they going to catch that dreaded disease of infertility that Jamie has? I felt like I needed a scarlet "I" to wear around to let even know I had it but that they couldn't catch it. Infertility has wrecked havoc on my realtionship with God and that is what has made me the saddest. I don't know how to give up on my heart's desire to be pregnant. I couldn't care less about genetics I just want to experience what it's like to be pregnant. I have the hardest time giving this burden over to Him. When we adopted Riley, I know without a shadow of a doubt that God had a hand in it. She was meant to be ours. I thank God for her every single day. Since then, it has just been hard. Four times we have done invitro and four times it hasn't worked out for one reason or another. So, I keep wondering why it was so easy to adopt Riley and this is so hard. But I can't change how I feel and that I desire more children. UGh! I feel like my whole basis for my relationship with God now is whether or not this prayer will be answered. Has anyone else faced struggles like this with their relationship with God? Any advice on how to get past this wall I built and just can't seem to tear back down. Above all, I want my realtionship with Christ to be what it once was and to not let this infertility consume my life. Well, enough random venting for tonight!