Where do I go from here?

For over nine years Mike and I have been trying to start/have/add to our family. It's started one year after we were married when I was diagnosed with PCOS and has continued off and on over the years until November 11. We found out on that date that our final in vitro did not work. My heart is broken. But at the same time I can not explain to you the relief that I feel to know that that chapter is closed. I will never have to take another shot or feel the embarrassment of so many stirrup visits. I won't miss it. But how do you put to rest a dream you've carried your whole life. Now, I KNOW that I am blessed. I know that God granted me a miracle the day the orphanage workers placed Riley into my arms. I know that I am blessed because I have a husband who loves me dearly no matter if my ovaries work properly or not. And I have said it before and I will say it again, I could care less about genetics. I just wanted to have the experience of being pregnant. Of feeling that baby kick, of getting those ultrasounds, yes even labor. The ache is still here. I wanted Riley to get the opportunity to be a big sister. She would have been such a good one. So, where do I go from here? I thanked God for answering my prayer even if it wasn't the answer I was hoping for. Because, I know, as He has shown me time and again that God sees what I can't see. My friend, Jenny, talks about Heaven eyes alot. Man, what I wouldn't give to have some sometimes. Maybe even some temporary contacts for a little bit. But I guess that is where the faith part comes in huh. I made a decision a long time ago that no matter what happens in this journey that I would love God anyway. And even though it's hard sometimes, I will and I do. But sometimes I question why this is my lot in life. But then I look at Riley and I know that she was part of God's plan for my life. One of the very best parts. A true gift. I am starting to realize, yet again, that maybe the process isn't as important as the end result. So, we are prayerfully seeking to adopt again. It's gone up quite a bit in price since we adopted Riley so that creates a problem but we are praying for other windows to open as well. And because my best friend Tina keeps reminding me, we continue to pray for the desires of our heart. That we will have another child. That Riley will be a big sister. However God sees fit. I will keep you updated on our journey. I have to be better about updating. Not that you are waiting on pins and needles for my next blog but it's therapy nonetheless.